Hello lovelies; today I wanted to reflect on some thoughts I’ve been having about my life and life in general, so bear with me here, haha.
It’s a week into the new year and people are either diligently working on their new year’s resolutions, giving up on their resolutions, or just going about their lives normally because they don’t believe in that sort of thing. Where do I fall when it comes to those categories?
I will admit, I’ve made my resolutions but I haven’t really started them either. But I’m not beating myself up for it; I’m just choosing to start later because I want to. Instead, I’ve been thinking about what my life means to me. I’m going beyond my resolutions and I’m trying to see what kind of person I even want to be.
The last few years have opened up a whole new world for me. And inside that world, there were even more worlds that I discovered. And I dived into each of them, sometimes cautiously, sometimes headfirst. Because of that, I made mistakes along the way but always learned more about myself. For the first time, I felt pain that spread through my veins and came out through hot tears on my face but I also found myself laughing the hardest I’ve ever laughed in my life and being able to smile so much I thought my face would break.
I felt uncomfortable as I left my comfort zones but also discovered a way to adapt. I found my voice and learned to keep my face towards the sun instead of hiding it behind the clouds. People left wounds that hurt and sometimes bled, but I healed nonetheless and now those scars are battle scars that I shamelessly wear on my heart. When I thought I wouldn’t be okay…well I’m here now and I’m doing okay.
The last couple of years have been tough; there’s honestly only one period of time that comes to mind in the last 3 years where I remember feeling truly happy. But I know that without all the hard stuff that happened, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. Life is pretty funny that way; none of us know how our life will turn out. Is it scary or is it exciting not to know? I don’t know, but I think it’s pretty strange that we’re all working hard to survive but we don’t even know what’s in store for us in the future.
Anyways, with these last few years came the ability to experiment and to try to figure out who I am. And what I’ve realized is that I still have no idea who I am and who I want to be yet. Thankfully I’m still young, but it is worrying sometimes to feel like you don’t have it figured out yet.
What I do know is that aside from the resolutions and goals, I want to become a person who makes an impact. We all have the power to influence others and to make a positive change in the world, and that’s what I’m aiming for. I want to make my life mean more than just being another person taking up space in this universe. Sometimes it’s good to just focus on yourself, but I think it’s equally important to help other people out. We should all help each other become the best versions of ourselves.
I want my life to mean more than my name, my title, and whatever I achieve in my life. I want to see what I can achieve for others. If we’re going to be real here, we’re all trying to survive, but none of us will live forever. Bodies disintegrate, photos fade, memories are eventually forgotten, and time goes on. So instead of just being greedy and focusing on myself all the time, I might as well do things for others too, whether it’s volunteering or just really getting to know someone. Because the only way we can live forever is if people remember you and tell stories of you years from now. That’s how we live forever. As for now, it all starts with baby steps. I’m not trying to become a famous person or a saint; I just want my life to be bigger than only me.
So that’s my not so little self-reflection, haha. It’s just something that I wanted to write about. I don’t know if this is relatable to anyone or not, but if it is, I’d be really glad to know someone feels the same way. If you made it to the end, thank you so much for reading and I’ll see you lovelies next week!