Hello lovelies. Since this week is going to be very makeup/product heavy, I thought I would switch it up with a Motivational Monday post. It’s also been a long time since I’ve done one of these, so I thought it was about time to bring it back.
Here’s my story. It’s not the beginning, nor is it all of it, but it’s my story nonetheless.
I’m a Libra. I’m an INFJ-T. What does this mean? It means that I’m probably more sensitive to emotions than other people. I’m also a perfectionist, and a part of what I think is perfection is never making mistakes and being happy every day, which is impossible. I don’t follow these descriptions religiously, but I do relate to some of what is written in these labels. In any case, I tend to feel down and like I’ve failed if I’m not satisfied with how my day went.
I do have a logical voice in my head that tells me it’s impossible to be happy every single day. That bad things happen along with the good and that it’s okay to be sad sometimes. But most of the time, this voice fights a losing battle as the other voice of expectations and outside pressure rise up against it. And this is what I go through daily.
Now that I’ve gotten a little personal, I’ll go over over my current situation.
Over a year ago, I guess I was going through a rough time. I wrote about it in this post here. Looking back on it, I can only remember some of what was upsetting me and I even felt like I was exaggerating my feelings. But now…
I won’t go into details, but if I thought I had sad days back then, this is on a whole other level.
I thought people sobbing for hours or crying themselves to sleep was a thing that only happened in books and in the movies. I thought that the inability to get out of bed due to sadness was an excuse for being lazy. I thought that looking at the world through sad eyes and not being able to feel anything but a heavy, sad weight on your shoulders was something that only lasted for a day or two. I never thought those kinds of things could happen to me. Well…
I’ve always believed I was a pretty strong person: I don’t cry easily, I can hide my emotions, and I can fake a smile all day and night if I have to. Anything so that people never see my more vulnerable side. I’d rather be strong than “weak.”
I’ve also always prided myself on being able to move on and get over things quickly by being busy. Recently, I’ve noticed that every time something “bad” happens, I pick up a new activity to become busier and before I know it, I’ve “moved on.”
Now I know that this isn’t the best way to deal with things, but it works for now. Plus, I think the “bad” things that have happened to me so far is just part of growing up, so it’s okay for now.
You can call it summer blues or making a big deal over something small, but whatever you call it, Chapter 2 happened nonetheless. For the sake of not oversharing, I’ll just say things have been pretty hard lately. I don’t think it’ll be as easily forgotten as whatever I was going through a year ago.
I usually end my days feeling disappointed in who I’ve become. The bubbly, happier girl I used to be has gone into hiding and I can’t find her. I ask myself questions all day of what do I do now and how do I find my way back to that girl? And I just don’t know.
I’ve sounded pretty depressing up until now, right? Well if you’ve made it this far, this is where the shift begins. Day by day, the wounds of the past heal a little bit. Sometimes I feel myself taking one step forward and then 3 steps back, but at least I’m taking steps. At least I’m trying.
But even more than that, my desire to be happy again is slowly taking over the sadness that would usually invite itself in without notice and overwhelm me.
So if you’re sticking with me through this story, here is the motivation that this post is supposed to be about. You’re lucky; within a few minutes of reading this post, you get some words of motivation. No one was there for me to help me find this and it took me a lot longer than a few minutes to feel a little better.
These are the words I found and the voices that helped me instead of real voices in real life. I’m not saying that no one helped me or that I have no friends. I think I just closed myself off from everyone because I didn’t want to seem weak and because for once, I really couldn’t fake that smile.
In today’s world, society seems to make it a shameful and taboo thing to be vulnerable and share your feelings, which is very sad because I’m sure there are so many people struggling with issues worse than mine.
My situation was also a private issue that I couldn’t talk about openly and I don’t think I ever will. With privacy being harder and harder to find these days, sometimes there are things that can’t be shared.
So that’s my Motivational Monday wrapped inside a story. I hope this post can help somebody, or at the very least, someone can relate to what I went through. I don’t care if people read this post or not, it was just something I wanted to write. So if you made it here, thank you for reading.