LET’S BE HONEST

Hello lovelies, long time no see! Today I wanted to get a little personal and update on why I took a break from my blog.

So if you consistently read my blog, you may have noticed that I tend to take a lot of breaks. It’s not something I’m proud of because I’m always striving to become more consistent, but life usually ends up getting in the way. However, this time, I was the obstacle, the roadblock. I was the one holding myself back from writing and publishing posts.

Why?

Let’s be honest. 

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Lately, as my college career begins to come to an end and the “real world” seems to get alarmingly closer by the day, I’m starting to feel the pressure. I see Facebook posts about people starting their career, going to grad school, or landing another internship. I visit LinkedIn and see my peers listing their impressive accomplishments.

And here I am, feeling a bit behind. I’ve read plenty of articles about how it’s okay to feel lost in your 20s, but it doesn’t stop me from wondering if I haven’t done enough with my life so far.

Sometimes I wonder if maybe I spent too much time making fun memories instead of getting a head start on my career. On the other hand, I don’t regret that I took the time to experience life. But whenever I speak on a student panel where I have to talk about my achievements or network with other students, I’m sorely reminded that maybe I prioritized going out over studying a few too many times.

What does this all have to do with my latest break from my blog? Well…I feel stuck.

Becoming a blogger appeals to me because I’d be able to creatively express myself on my own terms. But things like blogging and YouTube channels are not as they were a few years ago. It’s all turned into business, and I wonder if blogging would, over time, end up feeling like work instead of an outlet.

Being a writer/editor would probably feel like a regular job. I’d probably live a normal life like most people do, and surely that couldn’t be too bad.

And then my dreamer side comes in. Sometimes I can suppress it, but these days it keeps escaping and refuses to stay still. I want those dreams, but it just seems so far away.

I kept swinging back and forth between telling myself to follow my dreams or to be logical and put my degree to use. I became so paralyzed with fear about the future that I couldn’t write anymore. How was I supposed to gush about makeup and clothes when I couldn’t even figure out where I want to be 1 year from now?

Instead, I put blogging on the back burner and immersed myself into job and volunteer websites, updated my LinkedIn profile, fixed my resume, and looked up ways to try to make myself more appealing to potential employers.

Basically, I’m torn between chasing after my wildest dreams or just settling for the life I’m already privileged to have and working a regular job like everyone else.

But I don’t want to be like everyone else. And to be honest, I’m still kind of drowning in the depths of my mind as I write this. But I figure that I shouldn’t be stagnant while I wait for my brain to realize what the answers are.

So here I am. I’m back and I’m gonna go all in on all my projects. Hopefully, I’ll find myself soon. Let’s go on this journey together.

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I know this post was more like a stream of consciousness or brain dump post. But if you’ve been feeling stuck like I have, let’s get ourselves unstuck together.

Thank you for reading and I’ll see you lovelies tomorrow.

BTHsignature

 


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