Hi lovelies! Today I wanted to slow things down with all my fashion and beauty posts and do a self-reflection article!
Spring is in the air, and the weather is getting warmer. Maybe it’s all the flowers blooming everywhere, but life seems a little happier and prettier these days.
I truly feel like I’ve gone through a transformation along with the seasons.
Last summer, I hit one of my lowest points. Just as the sun burned my skin during the day, hot tears burned my face in the late hours of the night as I tried to soothe my broken mind.
As autumn approached with its cool breezes, I believed that my feelings might cool down too. But as soon as the first leaf fell, my world fell apart again.
I spent most of my days alone, which was necessary for healing, but left me alone with my thoughts far too often. I tried to lose myself in the noise of my day-to-day life, but nothing was loud enough to drown out the negative thoughts that always came back like a boomerang. As the leaves blanketed the ground, I blanketed my feelings with smiles and temporary bursts of happiness. To everyone, I was okay. I was trying to be okay.
When winter made its appearance, time seemed to freeze. It felt like retreating to a cold cocoon that I called home even though it was a prison at its core.
But like all cocoons, my metaphorical prison cell cracked open one night. The darkness that hid me so well while my worst enemies hunted me down in my sleepless nights ceased to haunt me.
Finally, after months of a searing pain repeatedly ripping through my veins and days and nights spent tearing myself apart for not understanding why I felt the way I did, I felt peace instead of chaos for the first time in a long time.
And now, one year later, I am still afraid of the skeletons that I have hidden away. As much as I want the memories to stay locked up forever, they chase me in unexpected nightmares and come rushing at me as quick as a lightning strike.
But when I watch how the flowers come back to life with their happy blooms, it gives me hope that I can start over and blossom even when the weeds try to suffocate me. Just like how the flowers open their petals to the sky, I’ll look up and hope that everything will be okay.