What does 22 feel like?
I remember turning 21 like it was yesterday; I remember waking up and feeling older.
This year? I feel different again, but in another way. I feel like I’m under construction in a little cocoon, waiting to turn into a butterfly.
It always amazes me how different everything was just a year ago. I’ve lost a lot of friends and I’ve gained a few new friendships. I was a busy college student and now I’m a college graduate trying to find my footing in the “real world.”
The only similarity is that I still feel very much alone. I am grateful for the few special individuals that I do have in my life, but as someone who enjoys being surrounded by people, I can’t help but feel like there’s a little too much space around me these days.
It’s also an ongoing process to balance my happy and sad days. Sometimes I feel lost and I want to stay in my cocoon; other days I find a little sliver of hope and I hold on to it for dear life, hoping it will be the push I need to grow my wings and fly as high as I can. I’ve noticed that I’m genuinely happier around people, so that’s another reason why I wish I had a few more friendships to lean on.
I believe that your birthday is the one day out of the year where you should be selfish, and I find this especially important for me because I usually spend the other 364 days putting others before me. It’s just how I am. But I hope that in future years, I’ll find the people I’m meant to celebrate my life and their lives with.
With all of that said, I am grateful that I get to spend my birthday with my family and that I’m healthy. I’m grateful for the friends I do have and for all the love that does exist in this world. I’m grateful to have food and shelter and that I’ve continued to fight for myself even when I was on the verge of giving up.
Happy 22nd birthday to me; even though I might be spending this birthday alone, I’m not too lonely. I’m trying to learn to love my own company and work on myself first; eventually, everything will fall into place. ♥