23 | LOST AND FOUND

Another year gone by.

23.lostandfound

Meet me at the lost and found.

I don’t remember when I found myself in the lost and found
Thrown into a pile like it was the island of misfit toys.
I spent so much time wearing personalities like masks
Changing characters like Halloween costumes
I looked for a place to belong, but ended up here instead.

Now I’m faced with facing my bare, naked face
To discover who I really am
Sitting in a dim, dusty box at the lost and found.

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I wish I could map out the future,
Input the coordinates and discover exactly what’s next
Or that blowing on dandelions and making wishes on birthday candles
Would make everything come true.
I don’t mind spoiled surprises and endings,
I just wish I knew the unknown.

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But the longer I spent in solitude,
The more I came to recognize my reflection in the mirror without a mask.
The quirks in my personality that I had repressed deep down were a pleasant surprise
Like the feeling you get when you discover jacket pockets you didn’t know existed
I wondered why I had kept these secrets to myself
Why was I afraid of who I was without a character to play?

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I wanted to be like everyone else.
I searched for myself in validation and acceptance from others
Instead of evolving into my own identity.
But now I’m somewhere between lost and found.

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The edges are still fuzzy
Like when you’re clumsily reaching for your alarm in the morning
In a state of half-awake, half-fighting with leftover melatonin.
But clarity comes with time, when the light gets lighter
When the dust gets dusted off

When the dust gathers among the masks instead
When I stop looking for the coordinates for buried treasure
Because you don’t need to dig too deep to find what you’re looking for.
I shouldn’t be afraid of taking the wrong path
If I’m lost, then I’ll be found again one day.

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Meet me at my new home, the lost and found.

Let’s be lost and found together.

Happy 23rd birthday to me. Let this be a new chapter full of forward momentum and perseverance. Give me the strength to leave negative memories behind, fight my inner demons, and shed the masks I used to live with. I hope I’m on my way to becoming a fearless woman that isn’t afraid of being lost and found.

BTHsignature

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Thoughts of birthdays past:
Turning 22
Turning 21

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