As one famous theme song goes, “So no one told you life was gonna be this way/ Your job’s a joke, you’re broke, your love life’s D.O.A.”
So I’m a planner. I’ve always tried to have my life planned out, but every year, especially on my birthday, I’m amazed at how my life’s turned out so far. And how it’s nothing like I imagined it to be.
There’s only so much you can plan and control in your life. When I was growing up, it seemed like everything was all planned out: graduate from high school, finish college, and then get a job and apartment while meeting the love of my life. It seemed simple enough. I even thought I’d be married by 25 and have kids by 27 (lol).
I’ve accomplished most of these things, but not in the way I thought I would. I graduated in 4 years and I’ve been working since I was 20 years old. But life after graduation was much different than how I expected it to be. I moved back home and had foot surgery that took over a year to fully heal. I’ve also worked a lot of part-time jobs that didn’t make me happy. My love life has been nonexistent (¯_(ツ)_/¯) and I learned a lot about friendships in the last few years. Overall…I didn’t think my life would look like this at 24.
But I can also say that a lot has changed. When I felt like I didn’t have friends, I decided to become my own friend. I started going out alone and eventually, I became more comfortable being by myself.
I then made an effort to reach out to people first. In return, I reconnected with old friends and unexpectedly made new friendships, which has been so rewarding. I’ve always had this insecurity of people abandoning me or forgetting about me, and it’s something I still need to work on, but I’ve realized now that I do have friends that I’m so grateful for, and I’ve become more accustomed to the idea of people coming and going, because not everyone is going to be a forever friend and life takes us all in different directions.
As for a relationship, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want one, but I’m not as much of a hopeless romantic as I used to be. If I meet someone, that’d be great, but I’m not actively looking. It took a while to come to terms with all of these things, but I think I’ve made progress and grown a lot with time.
For the last few years, I wasn’t in a good place in my life mentally and physically. I had no motivation and didn’t see the point in anything. I kept on wondering why I had to try so hard if our lives will end eventually. But there was always a small part of me that wished I could be happy and didn’t want to give up. I despaired and hoped all at the same time daily.
Now I can happily say that I’m nourishing the friendships I cherish, I love being on my own just as much as I love being around others, and I’m finally working in my field; it might just even be my dream job (and it pays well!!). I also feel like I’ve always been happier when I’m busy and now I’m busier than ever: I’m working 3 jobs, I’m getting out of the house more to meet up with friends or go places, and I’m trying to balance blogging (*insert apology about how I’m such a bad blogger, I’m sorry!! 😭*). I do love staying home now too because I have less FOMO and I don’t feel guilty about binge-watching so many shows anymore (lol).
So I guess my job isn’t a joke, I’m a little less broke, and yes my love life is D.O.A., but that’s okay, I’d rather take myself on a date. 💁🏻
I also truly do enjoy my birthday; it feels like a fresh start and I always take this time to reflect on the past year and the years before that. And it’s so funny to me that every time, I’ll think to myself, huh I never imagined my life to be where it is right now. I never imagined any of this happening. I can’t believe where I am now. Time really changes everything.
Nothing happened overnight; one, two, three years ago, I was most likely depressed and pessimistic about the future. Slowly, day by day, things got better. And I can also accept that this feeling might not last forever. I’m still young and there’s still so much of life to experience; I’m bound to feel unhappy again at some point. But accepting that happiness comes and goes played a big part in helping me heal.
So…here’s to 24. Just a little while ago, I couldn’t imagine being this happy again. Oh, how things have changed. If you’re still feeling like you’re in a dark place, you’re not alone. Because you can’t have light without the darkness. And life will never go as planned. So let’s all keep trying to move forward and see what this life has in store for us.
Thanks so much for reading and I’ll see you lovelies soon. 🖤