I’m sure life hasn’t been easy for any of us lately…

It’s easy for me to feel less afraid when I’m sitting in my room, trying to block out what I see on the news and social media with hours of Netflix and YouTube instead. It’s easy for me to think that maybe this situation isn’t as bad as I think it is, as I tick off the tenth day in a row that I haven’t left the house. I want to think that I’m not afraid…but I am. 

Life has never felt so uncertain before and these thoughts keep running through my mind:

“Will it happen this time? Will I catch it if I leave the house this time? Will I drive to the wrong location, run into the wrong person, touch the wrong surface, or eat the wrong food?”

“Do I have it already? What if I pass it on to someone who’s vulnerable? What if I bring it home and spread it?” 

“How many more cases are there? How many more deaths are there? How do we stop this? When will this end?”

I’m sure we all miss the simpler times now, the times when we had the freedom to go out whenever we wanted to, the times when we didn’t have to think about every little thing. It hasn’t even been that long since this all started, but I already miss everything I took for granted. The trips to cafes, restaurants, friends’ houses, amusement parks, beaches. Going to libraries, parks, concerts, and hiking trails. Hell, we might even start missing bad dates and rush hour at this rate.

Life feels jumbled up, like a brand new jigsaw puzzle that’s been poured out of the box onto a worn-out coffee table. Our daily routines have been torn apart and we’re scrambling to find a new normal, a new way to survive. Some of us have been left without jobs, while some of us are working from home. And others have been thrown into the front line to save lives while working around the clock and risking their lives.

I currently don’t know if I’ll have a job after this ends; my hours have been cut and I’ve only had a couple random shifts here and there. But I’ve just been trying to go with the flow with everything since I know that things could be much worse. 

Thankfully, in the midst of all of this fear, tragedy, and worry, there’s still a silver lining. We’ve decided to pick up our pens and paintbrushes to write and draw. We’ve started spending more time in the kitchen and miraculously became chefs overnight. Abandoned books have been dusted off and yoga mats have been pulled out from retirement for at-home workouts. All the things on our to-do list might actually be getting done and we’re finding joy in new ways. And on top of everything, the digital age has afforded us the opportunity to be able to connect and reconnect with anyone around the world, so we don’t have to be too far away from friends and family.

Where there is sadness, there is happiness. Where there is worry, there is also comfort. All these feelings keep coming in waves lately. I feel assured that things will be okay in the end, but then worry washes over me as soon as I leave my house to buy groceries or to go to the odd shift I might have at work.

None of us know what’s going to happen in the coming weeks or months. I’ve always known that it’s impossible to see the future, but this time, it just leaves nothing but uneasiness in the pit of my stomach, not knowing when this will end or if I’m next. And if not me, what about the people around me?

I’m confused, sad, worried, and at peace all at the same time. I’ve thought about it for days, but I’m frustrated that I can’t think of the right word to describe this feeling. Maybe because this has never happened before. The only comfort I have is knowing that we can’t avoid our fates. Whatever happens is meant to happen, no matter what we do to avoid it.

I’m glad that we can still find bits and pieces of happiness during these melancholy days through creativity, hobbies, and quality time with friends and family, whether it’s on the phone or being able to stay in the same home together. Let’s all try to stay safe and healthy, and wish well on everyone instead of being greedy or hateful towards others.

Lastly, I did this photoshoot two years ago but never posted it. As I looked through these photos, it triggered a sense of nostalgia for those simpler times and inspired this post. Things weren’t easy for me two years ago either, but it’s nothing compared to what’s currently going on in the world now. But we can only hope for the best, right? Let’s not lose hope. 

Thank you for reading and I’ll see you lovelies soon. ?