Hello lovelies! Today I wanted to do a special post because it’s actually my 21st birthday! I hope you like it!

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No one ever lets you in on the secrets of growing up.

No one tells you about mortgages and rent and the real estate market while you play house. No one tells you about changing flat tires and insurance bills and drunk drivers while you play with your toy cars. No one tells you about cheaters and people who break your heart into a million pieces and what comes after the happily ever after while you watch your favorite fairytale films.

Instead, we’re left as innocent children, oblivious to the real world. And that innocence is beautiful.

But sometimes I wish someone had given me a heads-up about life. I wish someone told me that Cinderella doesn’t happen in real life and living on your own isn’t as easy as it looks. I wish someone had told me that love isn’t like what you see in the movies for an hour and a half and that people don’t always have the same moral compass that you do. Maybe, just maybe, if I had known that, I wouldn’t have been so eager to grow up. Maybe then I would’ve cherished my childhood a little more.

I wish there was more time in a day. I swear there must be hours running away and hiding somewhere to make the clock hands move faster. Or maybe the Earth is spinning faster every day. Every time I close my eyes to sleep, it feels like 2 seconds go by and then the world wakes me up again. Is this what growing up feels like?

I’d like to think I’ve learned a lot in my 21 years of life. But I know I’ve only scratched the surface. There’s still so much I need to see, feel, and experience. Being 20 has been the hardest year of my short-lived life so far, but it also makes me wonder how much more is out there. How much pain can one endure? How much strength can one gather? How much love can one feel? How long can we persevere in this harsh world?

And one by one, I suppose my questions will be answered.

I also thought that I would have had everything figured out by now. I thought that I would know where I was going in life and that I would be in the process of following my dreams at this very moment.

But I feel a little lost. Actually, I feel a lot lost. I feel like I’ve been left in a dark forest and I have to find my way out. I jump at every little sound in the darkness because I don’t know what’s out there and the whispers I hear are telling me to go this way or that way and it doesn’t help at all.

I’m afraid to move because I don’t want to make the wrong choice. I want to get out of the forest, but I have to figure out my first move.

I wonder if the life that lies ahead of me will be an extraordinary one. And I wonder how much of this possibly extraordinary future of mine is left. I feel a mixture of fear and excitement knowing that we can’t know the answers to these thoughts.

The only thing that comforts me is that turning 21 feels different than any other age I’ve been at. I actually woke up feeling a little different; I feel 21. I feel myself inching out of the shell of who I used to be and into a new and improved shell of who I want to be. Every step has been small, even minuscule, but it’s a step nonetheless.

It’s funny. I still wish I could be a carefree child sometimes and that I had lived my childhood differently. I wish I could change some of the choices I’ve made. And there are things I wish I could erase from my memories.

But every moment of this life is what made me who I am today. And even if I wanted to change everything, the reality is I can’t do a damn thing about it. So even though I wish someone had told me the answers to my questions and revealed the secrets about growing up, it’s okay that I didn’t know. I’ve come so far already; now it’s time to leave the dark forest and I hope that when I find my way out, I’ll be exactly where I want to be.

Dress – Kohl’s

Lips – Rimmel lipliner in Epic/NYX soft matte lip cream in Cannes

Today’s post was a little long, but I hope it was interesting to read. Basically, I’m scared and excited to be 21, haha. It doesn’t feel real, but at the same time I do feel a year older!

I’m no poet, and I haven’t stretched my creative writing muscles in a while, but I hope I was able to convey my feelings in a way that was at least a little relatable. I hope you also enjoyed my outfit of the day photos being woven into the writing.

If you made it all to the way to the end, thank you so much for reading, and I hope you liked it! Bye for now!